


The One Where Cap and Thor Wrestle In Jell-O

by eighth_chiharu



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, Possibly Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-30
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-04-01 23:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4039306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eighth_chiharu/pseuds/eighth_chiharu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drabble request for Kayla! Thor and Steve agree to Tony's charity show. Thor shows Cap how to prep like a god.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Where Cap and Thor Wrestle In Jell-O

"Hear that?" Thor peered out at the gathered crowd, grinning at the loud cheers and catcalls that filtered through the red velvet curtain. "They scream for us! They - ah, there's a popular phrase for this - Yes, I remember! They thirst for our performance!"

Steve rolled his shoulders, wishing he was dressed in something more substantial than a Speedo with the stars and stripes on it. Wearing the flag was hugely disrespectful. He'd told Tony no, but here they were, on the big Stark Foundation Charity Night, and there was no costume in Steve's size except this one.

Stark had planned this whole thing, the jerk.

"Yep," he affirmed. "They seem pretty riled up. Guess that's good. They paid a lot of money to be here, and we wouldn't want them to be disappointed. Let's make it fun, all right?"

Thor nodded, obviously excited at the idea of a fight, even a staged fight. "It shall be a battle worthy of my ancestors! A wondrous spectacle never to be forgotten! They shall recount our exploits, and the bards will write odes in our honor!"

"Uh. Right. You got it." Steve tried to muster up a little more enthusiasm. Thor was a great guy, but Steve just couldn't get over the idea that wrestling in lime Jell-O was, well, /cheap/. He'd agreed because Stark donated a large part of the charity's proceeds to the local children's hospital, but he was starting to wonder if maybe this had been a mistake. Tony wasn't even letting them wear shoes. Something about spoiling the magic.

"Ah! There, they begin our introduction!" Thor strode to the curtain, peeked out the side of it, and turned back to Steve. "Quickly, we have only moments to prepare ourselves!" And so saying, he thrust one large, bare hand down the front of his own metallic silver Speedo, groping himself thoroughly.

Steve felt his eyeballs almost explode. "Wh - Thor, please! Now's not the time to rub one out! If you were gonna do that, it should've happened at least thirty minutes ago! In a bathroom or - somewhere I'm not!"

Thor raised his golden brows, thickly muscled arm pumping away. "Rub one out?" He laughed heartily. "Fear not, friend. There are no mystical djinn in lamps in my loincloth. I merely ready my manhood for appraisal."

"Appraisal?!" Steve couldn't believe this. "By who? Is Jane here tonight?"

"Jane? Nay, she has a study in the Arctic. But the other hundreds of ladies - and indeed, most men - will be avidly regarding our pleasure posts. You should do something about the, ah, rather relaxed nature of yours."

"Did... you just say 'pleasure posts'. What -" Steve slapped a hand over his face, rubbing one cheek. "Thor, I don't know if this is how you do things in Asgard, but here in America - "

"You talk too much. We're almost due for the ring." Thor moved fast, surging up to Steve and clapping his free hand on Steve's groin, fondling it roughly. "They paid millions for this! Though this wrestling match will not be done as it should be, in the nude, we must make it as close to true wrestling as we can. They want to see you, Steve, and myself!"

"No! No, no, Thor, this isn't - " Steve blushed and sputtered and tried to shove Thor's hand away, but to his alarm, the man's technique was flawless. Already Steve Junior was responding in a big way.

Thor beamed, caressing more firmly. "Yes, you see? Much better! Now you're twice as attractive. The charity will fill its coffers with gold for the children! Truly, you are a hero!"

"AND NOW," came the unmistakeably gleeful voice of Tony from the arena he had rented out, "THE SHOW YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR: CAPTAIN AMERICA VERSUS THOR, THE GOD OF THUNDER! GET THOSE DOLLARS READY, LADIES, BECAUSE THE TREES HOLDING UP THESE BANANA HAMMOCKS ARE WORTH PAYING FOR!"

Thor's eyes glinted. "Remind me to ask him later why fruit is relevant."


End file.
